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The Year 2016
It’s the year 2016. Cynicism in the videogame industry is at an all time high. It was no longer about the developers, or the people making games. Instead the biggest thing of videogames was popular youtube gaming personalities ranting against videogames, and videogame trends. The hundreds of millions of kids born after the year 2000, didn’t want to play games but watch these people play games. The only exception to this rule was Minecraft, as it sold over 200 million units blowing Wii Sports out of the water. Pewdiepie had over 50 million subscribers under the age of 14. The multi million dollar people in the industry were Pewdiepie, Jim Sterling, Total Biscuit, Angry Joe, AVGN and so on. Sure there was cynical people out there, but no one was as cynical as Flabslapper. It wasn’t a trend or living moment to moment in it. He was cynicism. The biggest problem was he was one of the most inarticulate people the world has ever known. That was one of the biggest obstacles. One day Flabslapper decided to kick things off with a cheap photoshop. It was basically EA logo photoshopped on Auschwitz and the “Arbeit Macht Frei” Work shall set you free was replaced with DLC shall set you free. It got over thousands of likes. After photoshops, Flabslapper created a youtube channel which was basically EA sucks, DRM sucks, the videogames sucks, Steam Greenlight sucks, Kickstarter sucks, DLC sucks, AAA game dev sucks, and videogame websites suck especially Kotaku. He did this while mentioning his cock and balls. He only needed to make 5 videos every week to later become a youtube partner. After getting steady income from youtube videos he went to cons and had panels which were packed where he spoke this things called opinions. Soon he realized he hated the audience because they could never be as cynical as he was. From that point on he would just stream an exclusive Q and A panel from his own room. His fans were morons like all fans so they went regardless. He was hitting it big. The videogame personalities didn’t go to cons, but they sold out to stadiums. Like Hitler in the 30’s. One guys just spews opinions and the 100,000+ people there cheer him on. But only a handful of people could make that status. The Escapist website was going to launch a competition where the winner would be a Top 10 Gaming youtube personality. Matt entered in seeing this could be his big chance. The other main final contestants were Mitch Rozetar, David Rhinehart, and Jon Tron. Unfortunately Jon Tron was decapitated in a roller coaster accident. David Rhinehart was not getting the crowds favor due to his foolish optimism for petty things. Saying Wawa’s sandwiches and IKEA furniture was fucking awesome was doing him no favors. Then he just talked about horror movies. Mitch Rozetar looked to be the favorite to win the whole thing. He was high energy crazy like if Pewdiepie fucked his mom and he was born. All the 11 year olds loved Mitch. For Q&A’s at panels it would be hundreds of 11 year olds with asperger's wanting to ask him a question, that wasn’t a question. He loved dubstep. When he wasn’t making videos he was making chiptunes, and he became the hottest act of 2017 touring across the globe jamming out with Chiptunes. Matt was looking like he was going to lose until he pulled out the card, of “This was excited for blank before it came out.” Matt said to the crowd. “This guy was really excited for Knack on PS4 as a launch title and it fucking sucks balls.” The crowd was shocked, that Mitch was excited for Triangle Ganondorf. One fat 600lb Canadian woman in the crowd, yelled “Faggot!” At Mitch for being such a retard to buy into the particle effects. There was still dead silence The fat Canadian woman yelled again “Mitch is a Jewish faggot!” The 2 Social Justice Warriors tried to push the fat Canadian women but instead got crushed and died. Seeing how the woman called Mitch a Jewish faggot showed his photoshops of EA being Nazi Germany Concentration camps, said “Mitch is no different than the people who charge for season passes before the game is out. He wants you to preorder your freedom and money away.” The main thing boiled down to who hated Nintendo and SEGA the most. Matt said “I would rather eat his own cum then play a Nintendo Wii U-2XL Special Edition.” He then pulled down his pants grabbed his lobster dick and in 5 seconds shot a load into his mouth and the crowd was silent and then cheered. This man wasn’t bullshitting around. “Nintendo is a dying company and it was way before all those Nintendo is dying articles in 2011. All those old people who loved the Wii Sports in 2006 are now dead. Little kids just want to play Call of Duty and Minecraft while calling each other gay faggots. None of them know what they are doing. They are 20 years behind everyone else on using the internet. Nintendo should go back to the day where they made cheap hotels where people fucked, because that was when they knew when to fuck right. ” While Flabslapper was getting some traction there was some doubters. The first question he was asked was “Do you Minecraft bro?” He did and his vidgame cred card was checked yes. They later asked him did you hate Nintendo? “Which he pulled out the RA Wiki and said “ I said on record I hated Nintendo since 1990.” Matt won the competition and now he got to sell out stadiums all across the world saying “Bioshock Infinite is bad. Uncharted is overrated.” While nothing but loud cheers erupt. Category:Drew